Part 6 What’s to be done? Or: How to Stay in your Most Mature Adult Self--Your Spirit-centered Self
- Carol J Sherman
- Mar 3
- 5 min read
Updated: Mar 7
So what can you do to counteract it when emotion-charged neuronal networks threaten to pull you into their well-worn pathway of thinking, feeling, and acting? First, it helps to realize that although occasionally the hi-jacking is quite sudden and quite fast, there is often a lead up to it and that’s when you have the best chance to head it off. I’ll offer several images in hopes that one of them might empower you to get better keeping your most mature adult mind in charge of yourself.
You’ve probably encountered a “wishing well coin funnel” at an airport or a mall. From a starting slide, the coin swirls round and round making dozens of circuits as it picked up speed, moving downward and finally disappearing into the darkness below. It’s very easy to reach in and pluck out the coin at the very beginning, but after couple of circuits, it’s out of reach. The lesson: if you don’t really want to donate your coin, catch it early.
Or maybe you remember the game “Mousetrap” in which the players gradually construct an elaborate amusement-park ride for a marble. At the end, the winner gets to launch the marble which activates various devices along the way, finally falling from a tower to spring the trap. Lesson: it’s easy to catch the marble before it hits your last switch.
Here's a YouTube Mousetrap to refresh your memory.
What can we do to resist the “pull” when a part has heard its cue and is coming on-stage, wanting to take over the scene? Now that you’ve read this series, I hope you’re more able to notice the signs when its beginning to happen. There’s a good chance you experience a physical sensation when the app launches or, using an old image from vaudeville days, when a shepherd’s crook is pulling you off-stage and the part of self from the wings is taking your place. Your hands may tighten into a fist or your stomach may get queasy; maybe your jaw clinches or you get a lump in your throat. Pay attention to your particular signal(s) that various parts have shown up. Noticing is the essential first step to change. And as I suggested in an earlier post in this series, another important step is interviewing the part to learn what old business has been stirred up in its ( that is, your) memory banks.
But in the meantime, it’s still important to protect your current relationship(s) from the distortions. Even when we’ve begun to recognize it, our current adult self can still feel like a helpless by-stander. So until we succeed in the compassionate work of hearing out our burdened younger self and allowing God’s love to reach into those memories and bring lasting relief, what steps can we take to minimize the damage?
“Grounding” is the term used by most psychologists, suggesting that in a sense, we’ve floated off into the air and need to get our feet back on solid ground. And I like that, but even more, I appreciate the image offered by Sister Josephine Garrett ( from the Hallow app) of reconnecting with Jesus, the True Vine of which we are branches.
Especially connected with my theater/stage imagery, I like to picture Jesus and our Observing Self (the curious about yourself you) sitting or standing together up on the catwalk—the superstructure walkway above the stage from which the crew manages the lighting, etc. Our transformative journey as Christians is for our Observing Self (a psychologically-understood vision of maturity) to increasingly become our Christ-centered Spirit-Led Self. From up there, out of sight of the audience, Jesus and you can notice what’s taking place below. Steadied and encouraged by His presence and love, it’s more possible to see what’s happening centerstage and to see “who” (what memory network with its unfinished business) has been activated offstage. That activated part of self needs the Lord's help in healing. The Lord wants you to bring all of that to Him so He can set you free to live and love more fully in the present.
In the Upper Room in John 14, Jesus promised to send the Holy Spirit to lead us into all truth and that includes the truth about whatever situation you’re in. However, until your nervous system moves out of “mobilized for defense”, your thinking mind will have a hard time making room for what Jesus is telling you about the situation. Therefore, your very first move (after launching a prayer to Jesus “up there on the catwalk” for help doing this differently than in the past) should be several grounding exercises to calm your body down.
· “Straw breathing” is a quick and effective first move: inhaling adds oxygen into your system which you need (!), but it’s like gas into an engine so it mobilizes. Your exhale needs to be longer and slower, so purse your lips and exhale as if you were doing it through a straw. This slows the engine down a bit. Do this at least 4 or 5 times, more if you find it super helpful.
·
If you’re in a situation about other people, you may need to do some things that aren’t really obvious. Pressing your palms together powerfully while you count slowly to five can help. Do it five times. Similarly, pressing your feet into the floor powerfully to the count of five can also help. Do it five times.
·
If you’re in a situation where you can do so, challenging your balance can be very effective. Stand on one foot and toss something small and unbreakable into the air and catch it, keeping your balance. Make it more and more challenging. This will engage your body and your mind, taking your thoughts off whatever triggered you. Remember the goal: to shift your nervous system out of fight/flight/(or collapse) so you can think about what the Holy Spirit is calling to your mind about the situation, helping your most mature self remain in executive control instead of letting the hi-jacking take place (or continue).
·
Another very effective tactic for getting your mind to stop throwing fuel onto the “get ready” fire is known as “5-4-3-2-1”. Look around and identify 5 things you can see; 4 things you can feel/touch; 3 things you can hear; 2 things your can smell; 1 thing you can taste. The point here is to engage your mind long enough to let the “mobilize energy” wear off so the more detailed you can make this exercise, the better. For instance, pretend you’re on the phone with a friend and describe the things you see more fully—their color, size, shape, etc. And describe the things you can feel more fully—hot or cold, rough or smooth, soft or hard, etc.
"Resource Tapping" is another very effective tool for many people, especially for calming anxiety. Here is a link to a short video showing you a way to help your body "FEEL safe when you ARE safe" https://youtu.be/Ue7ExWOYwWM?si=L-0-eFwQ-I_07Pzr
There are countless other grounding techniques and you can find them for free online. Therapy in a Nutshell is a YouTube channel I find particularly helpful for these kinds of things. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.youtube.com/c/TherapyinaNutshell&ved=2ahUKEwjx86ai1u6LAxUIEVkFHTwmBREQFnoECBIQAQ&usg=AOvVaw0FxBuPZgij68EhJ-gf_Nnk
The goal is to help your nervous system return to the Social Engagement System where your compassionate curiosity about “what just happened” and your desire and willingness to connect return.
Comments